How Today Began

Usually during a blackout I felt scared to see the unseen. Or being accompanied by the unknown. As life is full of surprises I just don't know what's going to appear ahead of me in the dark. But not today.

This morning I woke up earlier than I used to. It was weird.

I did not feel fresh at all, I felt... exhausted. As if yesterday I fatigued out during a workout. But in reality I did not work out at all. I felt so tired, I almost fell off my bed crawling up from it. 

It was dark.

Then I realize it was a blackout. 

Usually I rushed off my room, look out for comfort from my dad (no matter how old I am). But not today. I felt so lifeless, I just lay down on my bed, looking at the ceiling, wander around thoughts that drowned me yesterday night to sleep. Then I chose not to drown anymore so I got up. 

My feet felt uncomfortable. My ankle hurts. The tiles of the floors were cold, frigid, it stabbed my front layer of skin. I felt sad directly then. My eyes were swollen and heavy for no reason. I felt tired.

Tired.

Just tired.

I sat down the sofa in the living room. Trying to analyze what the hell was wrong me. All I know is I'm in pain. My heart is breaking slowly and I can feel it, it was vivid. The pain was like all my dark days come to one, attacking me one more time all together. I swear to God it is painful. 

I bathed. I cried in the same time. Out of no reason. It was exhausting and sad and... 

I tried ignoring it and went out of the bath room. I changed my clothes and get ready for school. The room was quiet. My dad was on the phone with the electricity man, complaining about what I don't know.

The room was not so dark anymore, it was comfortably dim. I felt so alone, not scared of the dark, but comfortably alone. I glanced at the mirror, stared at myself. Staring at the lifeless girl who's feeling so hopeless and helpless right now. And then I cried again, whilst changing my clothes.

I'm so lost. 

I'm so tired.

Too many thoughts.

And the worst part is, I don't know why.